So I went to a Sex Club...
Recently, I read a book called Die With Zero and one of the central ideas was to have experiences that you want, when you can appreciate them the most. An example they gave was about sports, the memory of playing sports in your 20’s is more exciting than playing said sport at 50. At 39, that hit me because I’ve been putting off some of the sexually explorative things I want to do and I’d rather do them now, while single and able, than at 60, so when the opportunity to go came up last weekend I went to a sex club with some friends.
Why would one go to a sex club? The short answer is because everyone loves sex, to varying degrees, but unless you’re a part of the very small asexual community something there is gonna resonate. For us, we went to show a friend a new experience but actually it was new for 3 of the 5 of us.
What did I do? Surprisingly, the most stressful thing for me going into the experience was “what do guys wear to a sex party?” I alsoo felt the normal anxiety going into it thinking, “am I gonna have sex with a stranger” (which to be honest, I did two weeks ago, shout out to her if she’s reading!). The reality was that I didn’t do anything but be a supportive friend, bodyguard and voyeur. Now the truth is, I would have been open to do more but aside from my friends, the women weren’t attractive at all, which honestly reduced my anxiety because that took sex with a stranger off the board. I watched people get massages, have various types of sex, do glory hole stuff and my surprise favorite of the evening see women get flogged in the BDSM area (I’m 100% gonna invest in tools).
The crowd was… not cute. One of my friends said something, that sounds not cool but was completely accurate and that was “the uglies are having fun” lol. In that space, they definitely more open to experimenting with others and while I admired that about them, my only reaction was I wish the other participants looked better. I once skinny dipped with 130 people in Mexico and a lot of them looked good so I felt safe and right at home. Going into the sex club night one of my friends told me I’d be Idris Elba in that room and she wasn’t far off. The room was older and not great looking, but ultimately as mentioned, my friends look good so we just stayed to ourselves.
The silver lining. I’m proud of who I am and the experiences I’ve had and this was on the list. I’m happy we went, we spent the whole next day debriefing and analyzing what type of sexual experiences we want out of life and from our partners. It also made me want to create safe spaces for education and play, there’s no entry point without it feeling like you’re taking some extreme leap sexually, so we shall explore creating some little paths. I enjoyed it, I’ll do it again and I want to learn more about the bondage side of BDSM (I have experience in other parts, but that’s another entry for another day).
Other deets. It was a converted house, they gave a nice tour of the space which included common party areas with music, a massage room, 2 bedrooms for play, a BDSM area and a glory hole area. They gave a consent talk at the beginning and they had an open doors policy.
So that was my experience, if you’re curious I absolutely love talking about sex and sexuality so feel free to hit me to chat about it, it’s the most natural thing we do aside from eating and breathing, so lean in.
Okay that’s all I got for now, I’ll keep you all posted if we produce any play experiences!
